he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
