Plan B is the new Plan A
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
