If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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