.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
