i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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