Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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