i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
