I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
