I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she peed on how many people?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
