Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
