Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
