he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
