oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's official drugs can't kill me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
