Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
