I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
