we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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