arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
