I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
