I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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