I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
