I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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