call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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