i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
