Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
