hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
