I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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