All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
