The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
