too bad you live with your parents still
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
