I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
