If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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