Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
