So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
