she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
