My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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