he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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