Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
4 words: hood of his car
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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