Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Acid is not a monday night drug
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
