On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
