You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize