So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
