I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
