Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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