During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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