She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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