for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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