It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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