I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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