My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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