Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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