ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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