I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
whose parrot is this?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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