About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
