is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
