we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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