The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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