Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
