You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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