They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
