Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
