I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
