So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
