So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
