What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
