a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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