I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
