He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
