Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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