She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I party with great urgency now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
