One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
