I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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