the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
