Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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