My first STD was from a foam party
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
