my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You took a bar mat shot.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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