I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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