I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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