you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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