We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
