A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
