Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
