oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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